LIFE Before work
I don’t see much talk in our industry about work-life balance and, most importantly, prioritizing LIFE over work. What helped me finally understand this was a business trip which I scheduled on my wife’s birthday (it was a workday) without checking with her first. I’d just thought that we’d celebrate over the coming weekend — as we normally do — and I’d have returned by then. After many years she still occasionally reminds me about this “mishap”. Worse yet, nothing can undo this. She’s never been terribly mad about it; but I’m burning up inside every time it comes up because I failed to assess my commitments. This feeling helps me prioritize better.
This is where I want to draw your attention to another very serious issue — practitioners in our industry who have kids in addition to being life partners.
My son is turning 15 and my daughter recently turned 9. Being a parent is the ultimate joy; but also the most important trial of all our faculties. This is where knowledge of psychology is immensely helpful. Just have a look at this book. I’m sad to say it took me several years to change my views.
Nowadays, because I try hard to prioritize my family over my work, both make me happier. It is also quite likely my personality is far more tolerable because of this — at least I hope so. Prioritizing daily activities is far easier with a habit of putting family first. In doing so, I am modelling better behaviors and habits to my wife and kids, and give them more of my time. Surely, tough parenting and spousal challenges arise for me (my wife is infinitely better at dealing with these), but being committed to my kids and my wife — as well as our parents — beats any work obligations hands down.
Now, the aforementioned was written with full awareness that “putting bread on the table” sometimes requires sacrifices on the family front. But, do you ever wonder how we get ourselves in such “binds” in the first place? What part of our family’s life requires such a sacrifice? Is this our lifestyle expectations, peer pressure, or something else? How do we continually design our lives to maximize — or at least optimize — positive results of the most important obligation we have: being there for our loved ones; especially our children, our life partners, and our parents? How do we define well-being for ourselves and our families?
Here’s what works for me:
- I purposely try to get involved in various activities at my kids’ school. This gives me better visibility into their academic and social lives. It also helps my kids understand that I’m giving back to their school for the quality education it offers to them. A positive side-effect of this is representing fathers in mother-dominated (typically) groups like Parent Teacher Associations (or Parent Faculty Organization in case of my kids’ school).
- At least once a day I try to have a conversation with each of my kids about their interests and extracurricular activities. It is important for any parent to help their kids share bits and pieces of their life experiences. While not immediately visible sometimes, positive outcomes of these nudges come through when my kids initiate interactions trusting that my interest is genuine.
- I recently signed up for yoga classes. While I find each class quite enjoyable and meditative, this is not the primary reason I decided to take this up. My wife has been doing yoga for several years now. This activity is optimal for her physical and emotional health. She also likes sharing her impressions after class and adjusting her lifestyle little by little to embrace mindfulness. Therefore, if I could keep up with various conversations about yoga and mindfulness, besides simply attending to my needs, I increase the number of precious minutes and hours of time with her — this makes us both happier and feel better connected while respecting each other’s personal space.
- It is always my objective to seek meaning in every professional opportunity which comes my way. Much as I’m dismayed by the state of my industry, I try to make sure that each opportunity could stimulate my intellect and help apply my skills in such a way that satisfies my colleagues, my clients, and myself.
- Seeking opportunities to collaborate with people whom I like and respect is part of my professional life and helps me optimally allocate my bandwidth. While making new connections I always think of ways in which I could help, and suggest some ideas accordingly. It is also wonderful to see when people reciprocate. This is how meaningful relationships grow.
- Writing on LinkedIn and Medium about my experiences helps with reflection, for self-improvement should never end.
- Our family has become very agile in terms of belongings and material needs. We pick positive and exciting experiences over the next trinket (well, my kids try). We also do our best to curate useless screen time in favor of human contact.
Maintaining work-life balance in today’s world is not easy and also quite dependent on personal and family values. Hope this will nudge you to move in the right direction.
Many thanks for your attention.
Soar above mediocrity!
